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Tuesday, August 14th, 2007
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1:22 pm - Thank you to everyone...
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So many things, I didn't say.
Is it too late, now that you've gone away?
So many words, so many ways,
If you can read this now,
There's something I've got to say...
Just one more talk,
Just one more touch,
If one's too much then...
I just want to say...
Thank you, For everything.
You've ever done for me.
I just want to say
Thank you, For all the things,
For saving me.
So many times, so many days.
You helped me through.
Walked me through the rain
So many tears, have washed away.
If you can read these words,
There is something I have to say..
Just one more talk.
Just one more touch.
If one's too much then...
I just want to say...
Thank you....For everything,
You've ever done for me.
I just want to say
Thank you, For all the things.
For saving me.
It's been so long.
They say time will heal everything,
Could you send me a sign,
To fill this hole in my life,
Turn on a light, to help me see through it all
No one left to rescue me, SAVE ME...
Just one more talk.
Just one more touch.
If one's too much then,
I just want to say...
Thank you, For everything.
You've ever done for me.
I just want to say
Thank you, For all the things.
For saving me.
Thank you mother.
Thank you father.
Thank you brothers.
Thank you sisters.
Thank you to my best friends.
Thank you special people in my life.
I just want to say Thank you my God.
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| Monday, July 16th, 2007
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11:11 pm
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Hey everyone,
I don't have a computer right now, cause Dell is retarted.
They deleted all of my information. I now hate them.
But they rebuilt the inside of it.......BUT DAMN PEOPLE.
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| Thursday, June 21st, 2007
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6:07 pm
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Man I haven't updated this thing in a while.
Not a whole lot has happened though. The only real thing is that I had a job for the summer, but it wasn't what I had expected to I had to quit. I know that quitting doesn't make me too muchof a man....but it just wasn't for me.
Anyways. If anyone has any job openings for the summer. Let me know.
More updates to come soon.
current music: I'm watching Dumb and Dumber
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| Friday, April 13th, 2007
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12:54 am
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"There is a house in New Orleans. They call the Rising Sun. And its the ruin of many a poor boy, and God I know I'm one."
-=---------------------------------------=-
Hey kids.
I haven't really done an update, but I just wanted to post something. To let the whole one person who reads this, hello.
So hello, and I promise I'll write something profound here pretty soon.
\ /
0
(-)
current music: Pink Floyd - Welcome to the Machine
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12:41 am - Mindless Survey
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| What would you do if? |
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| The President of the United States called you: | I would tell him that he's my hero. I'd tell him to stick to his guns, and forget all the ignorant people that only look at one aspect of things and run with that and not look at every good thing that someone does. | | You won the lottery: | It would depend on how much it was. But probably just buy every dang thing that I want and not have to worry about anything. | | You got invited to be on a reality TV show: | Depends on the purpose behind the show, but I would probably try to be as funny and memorable as possible so I could get a spin off series, haha. | | You caught a friend stealing from you: | I'd beat the shit out of them, and then ask why. | | You witnessed a murder: | Try and kill the person who just did it, but call the cops first of course, haha. | | A random stranger offered you candy: | Couldn't do it dude. | | MySpace and Facebook closed: | DIE. Start chatting again, haha. | | A genie granted you one wish: | I would ask for money. (sorry if yall wanted peace on earth or something, cause that won't ever happen) | | You lost your favorite possession: | Cry. Cause it would either be Grover or my car. | | You found 10 dollars on the ground: | Thank God | | Your date throws up on you: | Throw up on her, and then throw her out. | | Someone cuts off a chunk of your hair: | SHOOT THEM | | Your favorite celebrity comes to visit you: | Probably stu-stu-stutt-tt-tter al-l-lot. | | You were stranded on an island with nothing but the ability to make one phone call: | Call my parents and tell them to come get me. Cause my momma knows everyone in this world I think, and she probably would know where I was, haha. | | Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at PimpSurveys.com |
current mood:  chipper
current music: Ryan Adams - God Bless the Week you Went Away
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| Friday, April 6th, 2007
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12:19 am
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Hello guys,
I haven't written on this livejournal in a while. I do miss it so. Well I really don't know what to tell everyone. There has been a lot going on, but I really don't know how to explain it all. They took away my ability to use livejournal at work, since I guess they don't want people to be able to express themselves.
But anyways.
I'm doing great in my class.
Work is okay.
I finally got a large majority of my car finished. After hitting the deer I got the front end repainted, so it looks really nice with the new headlights and stuff. Uhm.
Dang, this makes me realize that I have no life.
Well I guess I have the bug again, so I'll start back writing on this thing.
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| Saturday, March 3rd, 2007
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10:44 pm - I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel....
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..........*sans pareil*.................
I perversely give you again some private privilege to probe into the probabilistic probability of this peripetela of your premier poetaster protagonist.
Well enjoy. Cause I have a lot of $hi+ to vent.
00000000000000000000000000000
Well, first of all, I come to this realization.... Something has to got to change. I'm writing another one of those attention-getting pitty-party livejournals. The ones where I try and focus all the pain that I have been feeling into some mundane little journal entry. But who cares? You know? What you think that I write this stuff for? But tonight....I'm writing this one for me.
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Do you know what ontology is? Ontology is the study of what it means for something to exist. It's a branch of philosophy that deals with the nature of being. For most people, being liked is almost a subdivision of ontology. Its like we need it. We need it, as if to establish some existence. But what is existence? What is being? What is life? These are just dumb questions that are floating around in my small mind, but have been floating around for all of time.
I'm not bored. I really am not. That's not what it is. Even though boredom's a burden no-one should bear, its not what is bothering me tonight. I mean, its like there is some constant stimulation that numbs me inside out. I am honestly impervious to caring about anyone. I really do hate when I am hurting anyone else, but I really can't help it tonight.
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I guess that it is the ontological nature that is making me want attention, but damnit I want someone to take notice of me for something besides being fat and loud.
I don't know how to be anything different from what I am now. I complain about not being the center of attention, but a lot of the time I am. I just want to get noticed in a positive light.
Examples:
I go to the weight room, and can lift more than 98 percent of the guys in there.....but people look at me like I'm just some fat-f**k who is there. Until they see me doing something of course.
I hear people tell me that they can't believe that I am a teacher.
I hear people tell me all the time that they can't believe I graduated from college.
I hear people tell me all the time that they can't believe that I majored in English in college.
So with that, what am I supposed to do? Lose a hundred pounds and talk like a Harvard scholar?
If you think that.....I seriously think you need a life.
Right now, nothing seems to satisfy me though. I really don't want attention, but I don't want it....I just need it. To breathe, to feel, to know I'm more than just alive.
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I'm blending perfectly this balance between pain and comfort that hides itself so deep within me, that it is starting to feel normal. I mean, I am kindof sad about the way things have come to be. The way that I am desensitized by everything. What has become of my subtlety? I mean, how can anything mean anything to me anytime if I really don't feel a thing at all?
But here I am lying to myself.....lying to you. Digging deeper inside myself to hurt myself more....lying and saying that I don't care....even though you know I do.
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000
I started this night feeling bad....with alot of things on my mind. One big thing is that all of my friends are getting married, but that really doesn't matter. I mean, how can it mean anything to me? Why does it? It really doesn't. I just feel bad going places with my friends. All of my friends ask me to do things, because I guess they want to spend time with me...or they pity me.....but I just feel bad. Cause I hate being some metaphorical third wheel. But I guess I'm just full of crap. I am sorry for anyone I might have hurt by saying some of the things that I have said in this journal. I know that a lot of the time the crap I say in these journals doesn't make any sense, but it it makes sense to me. It is a time that I can free myself from the stuff that fills itself in my brain.
Thank you for reading....if anyone did.
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But most of all, through this livejournal entry I came to realize that I have my spoon in so many pots that I have to turn them all on low just to keep up. Even though i still have them on low I still can't help but burn the food that I'm not stirring as much. For all of you who are you who are my back-burner dishes to me, I apoligize.
current mood:  exhausted
current music: Silverchair-Suicidal Dreams
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| Thursday, March 1st, 2007
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11:30 pm - On a serious note....
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WELL as I have probably stated before, the school system has stoped my ability to use livejournal at work. Which totally sucks. I hope all is well with everyone. I miss writing on here, so I will definitely start doing this more.
K?
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| Thursday, February 8th, 2007
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4:50 pm
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I don't have much new news. The damn school system blocked us from using livejournal at schol now. So now I won't be updating while I am at work.
New news.
Anna Nicole Smith died. Many boys will not be able to experience the greatness that is the nudity that was Anna Nicole Smith. She was a crazy chicka, but there was one thing about her.......she knew how to be what she was...a crazy sexy lady. I mean Anna Nicole Smith has had alot on top of her lately....I mean, she's had alot on her literaly, but I didn't think that the next thing would be a bodybag......dang, I'm going to hell for that.
Anyways...Yall kids have fun.
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| Thursday, February 1st, 2007
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10:03 am
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I saw SNOW. HOLY SHNIKEYS!!!
I haven't been able to see snow in like.....years? It was beautiful.
We regretfully didn't have a two hour dealy like I was hoping for. But we seriously didn't have any students show up for school today. It was kindof weird. But we had like three show up.
Anyways.
I have class tonight, and that is all the news I have.
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| Monday, January 29th, 2007
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12:13 pm
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Wow.
Its my birthday. I don't really feel that much older, but I am.
I just thank God that I'm alive for another day.
Goodness gracious....
Happy Birthday to me :)
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10:27 am
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if your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?
so, here's how it works:
1. open your library (itunes, winamp, media player, ipod, etc)
2. put it on shuffle
3. press play
4. for every question, type the song that's playing
5. when you go to a new question, press the next button
6. don't lie and try to pretend you're cool..
opening credits: Metallica - Orion
waking up: AC-DC - Hell's Bells
first day of school: Young Jeezy - Go Crazy
falling in love: Young Jeezy - Let's Get it/Sky's the Limit
fight song: Nickelback - Follow you home
breaking up: Metallica - Through the Never
prom: T-Pain - I'm in Love with a Stripper
life's ok: Earshot - Get Away
mental breakdown: Primer 55 - This Life
driving: Bad Company - Bad Company (Awesome cause thats one of my favorite driving songs)
flashback: Revelation Theory - Leaving it up to you
getting back together: Staind - Home
birth of a child: Chevelle - The Clincher
wedding: Korn - Dirty (That's funny cause he's talking about the girl being "dirty")
final battle: Metallica - Enter Sandman
death scene: A Perfect Circle - Halo
funeral song: HIM - Razorblade Kiss
ending credits: Killswitch Engage - The End of Heartache
hmmm....
(I'd watch that movie, haha)
current mood:  energetic
current music: Motley Crue - Girls, girls, girls
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| Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
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12:50 pm
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I finally have my car back at my house. Now I'm not trying to boast, but I have spent alot of money on my car here lately. New carpet, new seats, strut tower brace, new Cobra tailpipes, larger brakes and calipers, 17" Cobra R rims and Nitto tires, upper and lower control arms, Steeda springs, 2 10" Pioneer subwoofers in a box with twin tweeters, a 750 watt Pioneer amp, all new seals around the doors, all new seals around the sunroof.....well? Is that it? I guess so.
Anyways. These pictures were taken at Johnny's Body Shop where my friend Nick works. I went up there to show off my progress on my car. He didn't recognize my car when he drove by it. If you'll look across the road from my car in the picture below, you can see my truck. It is at Bobby's Alignment and Radiator service. They did my alignment and put on my tailpipes. Well if you see my car from the outside, it looks good. BUT I gotta say that inside.......dag gone. Its looking bad. My carpet is out of the back. The driver's seat is broken. Things are just thrown around in there. It looks bad. But that will all change on Saturday when me and Wesley (a friend of mine who I bought of the stuff from and did some of the work for me. He owns a really nice 86 Mustang that he wants to go all the way back stock on. Well anyways.
The loan from the bank is gonna be killer to pay back, but I can't really help it. The things I bought were things that I have been putting off doing to my car for years. So. I'll post pictures of the interior when it gets completed. Well I've bored you enough for one day.
Post Script: If anyone would like to buy me some new headlights or taillights for my birthday (which is on the 29th of this month) I would greatly apprecriate it. You can notice the yellowing discoloration on the middle section of the headlights, and you can't see it, but there is a crack on the upper part of the right taillight. Thats just a suggestion :)
current mood:  quixotic
current music: Rock 105.5 (greatest radio station ever)
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| Monday, January 22nd, 2007
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12:56 pm
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Boy oh boy. I love these "Professional Development" days. Basically we have all these "classes" and "seminars" on how to become better teachers. Sometimes the things that they are telling us are beneficial to us, but most of the time its just a waste of time. ALL teachers are required to have a certain amount of hours in these Professional Development things each year.
Well I have to go now.
I just wanted to complain, haha. Cause this sucks.
current mood:  aggravated
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| Thursday, January 18th, 2007
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11:16 am
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"And those are the days of our lives......"
Today was one of those days that you could just lie in bed all day. Oh wait I almost did. We had a two hour delay for school today, because parts of Duplin County had icey patches on the roadways and sleet/hail. So I got to sleep until almost 9. I really shouldn't have. Because I went to bed at 11:30 last night, which is extremely rare for me. I was supposed to finish up Shakespeare's "The Merry Wives of Windsor" but I kept falling asleep. So I decided that I would go ahead and go to sleep since I couldn't stay awake. I guess that my bed is just getting wore out and has this low spot in the middle where my fat butt has been for the past 5 years. (I got the mattress/boxsprings when I went off to college and that was in 2002, so you do the math.) I do need a new one but dag gone, those things are almost a 1000 dollars now a days. My mom bought it for me back in the day before the day was the day. I mean it was still the morning. Five years is a long time if you think about it. Well my back really hurts this morning. I am hoping that it is from sleeping too much. I did work out yesterday, and doing "arms" does put some stress on the back. Well anyways.
I wore a tie today, and I wore it with a vertically striped, multi-colored shirt. I think that I made a mistake. I'm usually good at picking out clothes, and don't usually second guess myself....but today I think I made a mistake. The shirt is what is doing it. The tie goes great with my dark khaki suit pants. Just not the shirt, haha. I bought this tie from a Banana Republic store (which I really shouldn't have even been in there) when I went in there with JP, his brother, his bro's girlfriend, JP's mom and soon to be step-dad. We had just left the Williams-Sonoma store and I couldn't believe the friggin prices in that dern place. I mean you can get a spatula for the damn dollar store. I'm not paying 18 dollars for one because its "special rubber handle makes flipping eggs a breeze". I mean goodness. Anyways. JP wanted to go to the BP (not the gas station the Banana Republic) and buy some jeans that he had been wanting. Well JP is probably exactly half of the size of me. We are really good friends, but we look nothing alike, haha. We're about the same height, but he is really skinny. He's trying to bulk up (muscle that is). I know that I have talked about JP up here before, but I really do miss the old turd. He got a really good job selling drugs. Pharmaceuticals that is. He's making alot of money and I am really proud of him, but I digress. Anyways. JP wanted to buy some jeans, as I said before, and so we ventured down to the BP. Well all these stores are in the Mayfaire shopping center, which is a more "ritzy-sophisticated" area of Wilmington. I mean, I like the area, but its a little much for me. Well the BP has always been known for having really small clothes so I wasn't even anticipating finding any clothes to fit me. Even if I had no fat on my body I still wouldn't be able to fit in those clothes. I'm a big dude...
Anyways. Well I was walking around and they had this extremiously small clearance section which consisted of a couple of ties, two hats, and a belt. Well the tie I picked up looked really nice. So I bought it. Thats the story. But the shirt that I am wearing it with is the only nice shirt that I got for Christmas (thanks to Lindsey). Basically I got money for Christmas and didn't really get clothes like I usually do. We all were either broke, or sick this Christmas. Anyways. I think that you can see by my description that I dont' look my best today.
Its raining outside, and I really wish that I could've just stayed home. I mean. I could have stayed in my boxers until it was time to head to Jacksonville.
Well I think that I am subconsciously using this livejournal entry as a way to continue procrastinating. I am definitely not wanting to read the rest of this story, but I need an A+ in this class so I can increase my GPA. I am seriously thinking about grad school when I finish this "certification" thingy.
Well have a great day everyone and think about me, as I am sitting here at work, reading Shakespeare (while I am supposed to be preparing for next semesters students).
This was a really long journal which really had no context minus the fact that it was me splirting out information like a stuck pig. I also think I just made up a word. Splirt? Ha ha. Anyways.
Thanks for reading.
current mood:  stressed
current music: I can't listen to nothing (how about that grammar, haha)
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| Wednesday, January 17th, 2007
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12:45 pm
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current mood: content
current music: Oh brother where art though soundtrack
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11:27 am - Tattoos
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I know my mother reads this so I'll go ahead and tell her and yall in the same setting. I'm getting a tattoo. I have been saying that for a while now, and have wanted one forever but this time I mean buisness. I recieved a 50 dollar gift certificate from Hard wire Tattoo & Body Piercing Studio in Wilmington. I won this contest on the ROCK 105.5 (www.carolinaspurerock.com) and the gift they were giving me was kindof lame, so Creedance (one of the hosts of the show I was playing this game on) asks if I would rather have something else and for them to just mail it to me. I said "sure" and he goes "how about a 50 dollar gift certificate to Hardwire Tattoo and Body Piercing Studio?" Well I didn't know what to say, so I just laughed and said "that will be fine".
Well if the designer makes something nice, I'll get one. I have searched via the internet for a while now and can't find one that fits my fancy. I am not asking for an extremely ellaborate design. I just want something that will have beauty and style. A tattoo is something that lasts forever, so I want this expression of my inner self to be something nice. The tattoo that I want(as I have expressed before) is a Celtic symbol used to represent the trinity. The symbol is called a trinquetra. When I first saw the symbol, I thought that it was beautiful, and its Celtic past also rings a bell with me.
Anyways.
I'm not asking for people to like it, I am just asking for you to accept it. Tattoos are a person's expression and are utilized for an individual's expressiveness. I know that that is a bullcrappy way of saying "I'm gonna do what I want" but its the way it is. Tattoos don't send you to hell. They aren't a sin. They aren't trashy. Because they definitely aren't cheap.
Well I'll post pictures so you can see it, because unless you see me with my shirt off, you won't see the tattoo.
Thanks for reading.
Post Script: Sorry momma, and I love you....but this is just something that I want to do. Atleast I'm not getting something like barbwire around my arm or something visible. The tattoo will mean to me, that God (the father), Jesus (the son), and the Holy Spirit always have my back.
Daddy doesn't have to know though. (Don't make some negative response up here either. We don't need a family squabble up here).
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This is an idea of what I have been thinking about. Don't respond to it.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: None...................yeah, there is nothing
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10:44 am
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My students are taking exams today. Wholy doo-doo. During all this, I am trying to prepare for my Shakespeare class tomorrow night. I think that I am going to enjoy this class. I always have enjoyed Dr. Walker's classes, since I had him while I was taking undergrad stuff at UNCW. I was thinking about this class a while ago and just wanted to comment that I am in a class of about 15 girls (and me). These girls, All of whom are married/dating/daughter of some marine. This is really the main reason why I hate going to this college in Jacksonville. I love what the Marines (and the whole armed forces) and what they do, but dag gone they take all the women. Trying to date a women in a town where they have a military base is like looking for water in a desert. You see mirages of what you think is water, but low and behold its not.
This is definitely disheartening. I can go on record as saying that this sucks. I mean, its not like I’m looking for a girlfriend out of a class, but dag gone. Thus far, unless someone adds before class tomorrow night, I am the only male(besides the teacher). Under any other circumstance I really wouldn’t mind, and in fact would ask for it.
On a happy note, Dr. Walker is a really smart man, and really knows his Shakespeare.
Oh yeah. That’s the class that I am taking. It’s a “later plays” Shakespeare class. I have taken some of Dr. Walker’s classes before, as I said earlier. He is a brilliant man. I mean some people think Shakespeare is boring but not Dr. Walker. I have listened to him recite paragraphs of Shakespearian work during class. When I took his “early plays” class and his Renaissance class I was introduced to his work in a way that had never been taught before.
I mean before Shakespeare was that boring "oh where art though" writing that we all love to hate. But through his class I saw that Shakespeare was writing way above his time. Tv shows, directors, script-writers, novelists are all trying to capture a piece of his writing genius.
Anyways. I am sure that I have bored you enough with my speil about "Shakespeare". Thanks for reading, and have a great day :)
current mood:  complacent
current music: None.....I wish it was something though
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| Monday, January 8th, 2007
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2:13 pm
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*I got the poetry bug again. I wanted to try my hand at something artistic again. If you don't understand the narrators place, just read who it is. Note the title. I hope you atleast like it.*
Sinful Nature
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Did you think:
That I would just disappear?
That you could just wash me away?
That I would last this long?
That you'd let me get this strong?
You could try to make me change?
Do you think:
He's tired of him being,
your crutch?
Your life means so much,
to me?
Did you think:
That this would just end at your birth?
That it was just your bad luck?
And did you think
that it was coincidence
that it feels
like the only way,
is the wrong way?
current mood: contemplative
current music: Does the air conditioner count?
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| Thursday, January 4th, 2007
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9:54 am
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chrisbehaving's journal